Easiest chocolate bark or dinner mints you will ever make

This recipe is actually an accident. An accident that is delicious. An accident that runs around in your mouth, saying "Hello! I am amazing. Have another bite!"
Here we go. Part One. 
The ingredients you need: 
1 bag of semi sweet or unsweetened chocolate chips. A minimum of 24 ounces. (You are going to end up making a few batches!)
2 hen egg sized hunks of marshmallow fondant. (No, I don't care which size. I guess the huge hen egg.) 
Candy Flavoring of your choice, whether extract or candy flavoring oil. Choose a delicious flavor you really love, though. Because chocolate! I chose Pumpkin Spice. 

The tools that you need:
1 plastic bowl. 
1 wooden spoon
1 microwave. 
One paper plate. 
One freezer. 
One rolling pin. 
One cutting board. 

Here we go! Part Two. 
Pour in about a cup of the chips onto the microwave safe plastic bowl. I burned a hole through one of these like an idiot by super heating the chocolate. I would have taken photos, but no need to record that moment in history, now is there? 
Anyway, pour in about a cup of the chips and microwave for a minute. Take them out and stir. The chips should be about the consistency of cake frosting. Not cake frosting yet? Place the bowl back in the microwave for another 30 seconds and stir again when they come out. They should be really close at this point. If they are still not like cake frosting, another 15 seconds will have you there. Don't overcook the chocolate. It smells so gross and your house will smell like dead chocolate. No one likes the smell of dead chocolate. It is the smell of angels weeping. Don't do that to yourself and to your family. Watch the microwave. 
When you finally get to the point where it spreads like frosting, spoon it out onto the paper plate. go all the way to the lower edge with this, not the edge of the plate or you will be cleaning melted chocolate off everything. Put this in the freezer. If your freezer is stinky, cover it or this will stink like your freezer. Be safe. Save the chocolate. 
Now. While the chocolate is chilling out, get that marshmallow fondant. Yum, yum, yum. Pick a candy oil flavor or an extract. I went with Pumpkin Pie spice because YUM. Roll the fondant into a ball shape.  When it is about body temperature, you are done rolling into a ball shape with your hands. Press your finger in the fondant to the first knuckle. 
Here is where the ingredients vary a little bit: 
If you use the extract, which comes in a super small bottle, don't use more than 6 drops per egg shaped dollop or else it won't stick to the chocolate and it will look ugly. People will call out your name as the person who ruined the chocolate. Don't do that to yourself. If you are using the extract, it comes in a larger bottle. Pour in half as deep as the hole you made in the fondant. Pour slowly. Don't mess this up. Too much flavor is going to mess up the mix that you are creating for people's palates. 
Knead the fondant with your hands. Some of the flavoring will get onto your hands. Ignore it and keep kneading for at least one minute, folding the dough flat and then smashing it with your hand over and over. 
When your fondant dough is like warm taffy, pulling into elongated teardrop shapes, mash it together into a ball again and roll it out thin. It should be about the thickness of 2 credit cards put together. (Such amazing technical terms. Why didn't I become a recipe writer?) If there are wrinkles in your fondant, that is fine. Don't sweat that. It will be beautiful.
Make sure that there are no holes in the fondant where you can see the surface below it. It should be rolled out slightly larger than the plate or even the cookie sheet if you were feeling ambitious that your melted chocolate was spread out on. 
Remove the chilled chocolate. It doesn't matter if it is completely set or not. Lift the fondant onto the plate or cookie sheet. Place it over it and take either a knife or scissors and cut out the outline of the plate or cookie sheet. If your fondant tears when you are setting it in place, don't worry. That leftover fondant? Patching material. Fill in the gaps or holes with the extra fondant. Overlap a bit? Does not matter. Chocolate showing through the holes? Who cares? Cover it with your patch fondant. You don't even have to press the 2 pieces of fondant together. Drop some fondant on any gaps and move on. You are making magic here. Now, guess what? Here is where some more magic is going to happen. 
With your finger or the handle of the wooden spoon, gently push down in random places to lock the fondant into a marriage with the chocolate. Don't press too hard or you will pierce the fondant. If you do pierce it, repair it with the fondant you have left over. Seriously, don't stress this stuff.
Use the same bowl that you melted the first chocolate chips in, and melt about the same amount as the first, with the same instructions. Don't burn the chips! When it reaches a frosting consistency, add the same amount of flavoring that you added to the fondant to this part of the chocolate. It does not have to be the same flavor as long as it is complementary. Go wild. Have a good time. Don't over flavor. You already have a flavor punch happening here. 
Now spread this over the top of the fondant using the back of a spoon to make beautiful texture designs. I made swirls by making circles over and over. Make sure you completely cover the fondant so that no fondant shows. Place this in the freezer for at least 10 minutes. Clean the dishes you just dirtied and wash your hands and face of all of the places that the chocolate made it to. Wipe down the counters. Sweep the floor. Now, take out the little tempter. Shake some sea salt into your hand, not directly onto the chocolate. (I use coarse grind sea salt or Himalayan coarse grind)
Sprinkle this over the top of the chocolate. Place it back in the freezer for at least 30 minutes. Done. Just like that. You are a miracle worker. 
It is gorgeous. Like magazine with recipes in it gorgeous. You can tint the fondant if you want a pop of color, I did not, but, hey, maybe you want a pop of color. Next time I make mine, I will be doing that. 
So when these come out of the freezer, break them into smaller pieces either by hand or whack them with something like a hammer or a wrench. I broke mine by hand. Where the corners are, it will be thicker. Look at the gorgeous shapes of curls and swirls. You made that! Cooking genius! 
 

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